


Overload, Please Reboot

by Chemi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Scratching, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:21:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9071371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chemi/pseuds/Chemi
Summary: He's being talked to, one of the other skaters is holding a conversation they hadn't realized was one sided.Yuuri doesn't care who it is, he just wants them to SHUT UP!He wants to punch them.Don't they realize how loud they are?He can't do this.He can't.Get out. Get out. Get out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive any mistakes ^~^

What's wrong with me.  
Why can't this just stop.  
I want it to stop.  
Yuuri squeezed his fist harder, trying to ground himself.  
He was buzzing in his own skin.  
Have to move have to move have to DO SOMETHING.  
But he also felt paralyzed.  
Why was breathing hard?  
Isn't the body suppose to do that automatically?  
I must be broken, Yuuri determined.  
Broken Broken Broken- Broken beyond repair.  
Another crashing wave rolled over him, causing him to clench his jaw to prevent a scream from leaving his throat.  
Yuuri was going to exploded.  
He was a bomb starting to detonate.  
Some people say their thoughts get jumbled together- a haze that makes everything confusing.  
Yuuri wished that was the case.  
This was painful.  
He was overly aware of EVERYTHING.  
Each heart beat, each passing minute, each and every sensory input detail flooding his head at once and he's drowning drowning drowning.  
He knew he should have stayed home this morning.  
He lets Victor down all the time anyway, just chalk this up on his list of fuck ups.  
He's being talked to, one of the other skaters is holding a conversation they hadn't realized was one sided.  
Yuuri doesn't care who it is, he just wants them to SHUT UP!  
He wants to punch them.  
Don't they realize how loud they are?  
He can't do this.  
He can't.  
Get out. Get out. Get out.  
He's walking away briskly.  
Rude. Rude. Rude.  
Ungrateful.  
He's ready to claw himself out of his own skin.  
He's tense the entire walk back to the hotel room.  
A mix of overwhelming anger and this constant buzzing that won't stop won't stop won't stop  
He slams the door.  
Loud.  
But it feels good.  
He wants to destroy everything he sees but he refrains because what's the point?  
He felt out of control.  
His heart was hammering, his breathing was off- he wasn't stupid.  
He knew what was happening.  
But that didn't help at all.  
He knew what would.  
Yuuri didn't feel guilty as he stumbled into the bathroom, stripping hastily.  
His nails were tearing at scabs immediately.  
Focus on the pain focus focus focus   
The overload faded as blood stained his finger tips.  
Scratch scratch scratch scratch scrat-  
"-uri please. Yuuri."   
His brain hardly registered the voice, to busy urging him to dig his nails in deeper.  
"Yuuri!!"  
Victor.  
Of course.  
It was then he realized there was a hand gripping his wrist, desperately trying to separate nail from skin.  
"Let go of me!"  
Shove.  
Freeze.  
Fuck up.  
You fucked up.  
You fucking hurt him.  
You deserve to suffer.  
He's going to leave  
And it's your fault.  
"Yuuri. Yuuri. It's okay. You're okay."  
Yuuri's head shook violently.  
No.  
Never.  
Why wouldn't everything just stop?  
Or perhaps it needed to GO.  
He felt like time wasn't passing.  
"Look at me."  
He did.  
And it was only then he began to cry.  
His hands fled from his bloodied thighs to press into his eyes.  
Stop crying you baby.  
Pathetic.  
You're so pathetic   
Hopeless.  
Mistake.  
You don't deserve him.  
Yuuri sobbed as he collapsed to his knees.  
Victor had him in his arms in seconds.  
"Yuuri. You're okay Katsudon. Its okay."  
Neither of them dared move from the uncomfortable position until Yuuri went limp with exhaustion.  
Victor washed away the red proof of his fuck up in the shower.  
Yuuri was numb.  
Dissociated.  
It wasn't until Victor had them both safely tucked under the covers that he surfaced from the daze.  
"Come back to me Yuuri. Come back. I'm right here. Its okay." Victor encouraged until Yuuri blinked a few times before becoming fully aware of the situation.  
It hit hard.  
" I'm sorry."  
"For what?" Victor gently brushed the hair out of his lovers face.  
"Being so messed up," Yuuri hid his face into the Russians chest, "for not being good enough for you."  
Victor forced him to raise his head, staring at him intensely.  
"I love YOU Yuuri Katsuki. You are not messed up. You deserve every good thing and more. You have become the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I love every single thing about you. Every imperfection. Anxiety and all. I just wish I could help you. But I do not think down upon you for suffering from something that you cannot control. I love you and I wouldn't have you any other way."  
Yuuri couldn't stop himself from kissing the skating god holding him.  
"I love you so much."


End file.
